Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
