Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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