I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
