Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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