you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
