They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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