I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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