you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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