So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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