There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
