You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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