i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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