Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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