I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
