i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
