when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
