This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
pray to the hookup gods
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
