someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
