haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
