A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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