So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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