we're blogging at a bar
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
