THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.