just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.