cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.