I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.