Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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