can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
