So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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