I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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