We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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