remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The air was thick with penises
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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