where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
