it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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