Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
