you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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