i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
