already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
