He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
