I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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