I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
