FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
