I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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