the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
