I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
