i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize