Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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