it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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