I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
