I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
