This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to make out with him forever
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
