So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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