we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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