i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
