just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
