...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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