I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
