is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
