Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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