I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
