so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
