So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
