Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
