i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
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on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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