My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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