you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
