New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize