I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
