You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
