You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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