Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
