Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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