I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
