Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
