Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
