the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
