I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
