did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
